


Eternal River

by KhanmiR1



Category: Naruto
Genre: Eventual Sex, F/M, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Lost Love, Love, Nohara Rin Lives, Possibly Unrequited Love, Presumed Dead, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26341984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KhanmiR1/pseuds/KhanmiR1
Summary: Rin died; Kakashi watched it happen by his own hand. That was years ago...and yet, here she is. Standing at the end of the bar, sloshing a full glass around with a crooked grin on her face. He must be drunk. If he wasn't, someone somewhere was playing a cruel trick on him.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is definitely AU... But I will do my best to weave it into the canon universe so it flows together.

A red sun peaked its final goodbye over the trees and casted an orange glow on five figures. They walked with an air of accomplishment about them. A successful mission always did that to a brash group of shinobi. Kakashi breathed an exasperated sigh as he trailed behind the others. Part of him wished he could feel that elation they felt. The happy sort of reverie that came with a victory. The rest of him was realistic and came to terms with his poor attitude. Their mission might have been completed, but there will be another. And another. And another. It was just an ordinary day on the job. And at this point in his life, he didn't even have a certain little team of genin to look forward to training the next day. It wouldn't be danger that killed him; it would be the monotony.

But as he lifted his head to look at the light glitter of newly appearing stars, he remembered why he was feeling so dejected. It was her anniversary. The day that Rin died. 

His hand reached lazily into his pocket and pinched the small bead that rested at the bottom. He closed his unmasked eye slowly, picturing the object without removing it from it's home. Deep red, with black speckles. A smooth and glossy finish. It was part of Rin's necklace. She never exposed it, but showed it to him once, explaining how her mother had made it and how lovely she thought it was. And as he twirled it around his thumb, he allowed a slight smile to creep on his face. If Rin were here she would smack him and tell him to 'live in the moment, Kakashi!' He would roll his eyes at her and tell her that every moment he lived, was him living in the moment. And then she would probably sigh and stomp her feet with each step to show her annoyance. A pang of guilt and sorrow hit Kakashi's gut like a brick. He could never shake his head with a smile at her like he used to. And he would never again feel her chastising gaze boring into his soul when he made a joke. Those truly were the good old days.

"Hey, Kakashi, let's stop for drinks yeah?" One of the men shouted from in front of their pack.

Kakashi glanced at the dimly lit bar coming into view ahead of them and agreed, "Yeah."

How could he say no to a drink on Rin's big day?

The group seemed to bound through the door like bulls let loose from their pin. All of them took their places at the bar, some hollering at the bartender and others coaxing over any women they saw. Kakashi lowered his gaze after quietly ordering a strawberry saki. It was Rin's drink. 

_'Dont tell anyone' she whispered after pulling out a flask from her pack. They were alone and yet Kakashi still felt like they would get yelled at in any moment. She took a sip and shoved it into his chest._

_'try it!' His lips wrapped around the opening and he tipped his head back. The liquid came rushing down and where he expected something bitter, instead it was sickeningly sweet. Even worse. His nose scrunched up and he quickly pulled his mask back into place. Rin giggled at him and snatched the flask back, taking a swig._

_'That tastes like some kind of medicine!' he exclaimed while shaking his head. A grin peaked through his mask as he admired the way she blinked innocently at him as if all was fine._

A loud voice interrupted his memories. "Nice choice, Kakashi! Feeling a little too masculine after the mission?" Laughter erupted amongst the shinobi and Kakashi scowled. He turned away from them and reached a finger up to lower his mask for a drink. His eyes roamed lazily around the bar patrons and landed on a dark haired girl. She had her back to him, standing at the far end of the bar in conversation with a few men who seemed enraptured by her. If the front was as good as the rear, Kakashi couldn't blame them all for being bewitched. But then she turned, her body moving before her face. He was about to congratulate himself on being right about her front when she fully turned and smiled sweetly at him. His jaw dropped to the floor and he stared in wonderment at the face of Rin, looking at him seductively through lidded eyes. He tried to blink the hallucination away. That didn't work. And before he could realize how long he had been staring, she took a step towards him. Kakashi barely had time to react before she was in his space, peering down to his sitting form from her higher position.

"Got something you want to say, shinobi?" If she had said it any other way, it would have come across as mean. But her lips were curled into a sly smile and she was playing with a locke of her hair. This woman wasn't mad at him at all, she was flirting. And Kakashi finally snapped out of his trance when her thigh bumped his knee slightly. He took a moment to look her up and down, allowing time for his brain to reset. She was undeniably beautiful, but how could he think for a second that this was _the_ Rin? While the features were uncanny, it remained an impossible notion. So he resolved to focus back on reality. He had a woman, clearly interested in him, waiting for his next move. 

"Was there something I _should_ say?" He replied huskily while leaning slightly forward. 

That earned him a pretty chuckle. "Anything to get me away from them, really." She pointed with her thumb back behind her. "I wish you would have gotten here 10 minutes sooner! I could have avoided talking to them all together." 

Kakashi smiled mischievously through his mask. She was intriguingly blunt without being blunt. And with a clever mouth to match. He liked it. His hand reached for her elbow leaning on the counter and rubbed softly before asking, "Well, what do we do now that I'm here?"

He watched with anticipation as she glanced around the room. She leaned into him, steadying herself with a palm on his chest. Her voice came out in a whisper, as if wanting no one else but him to hear. "I think we should step outside for a bit." Kakashi didn't have to be told twice. Feeling no threatening aura in her chaakra and hearing the background banter of his shinobi group, he was satisfied in leaving the crowd for a more personal space. As he put a hand on the small of her back, he could hear the mumbling of his group. He pieced together something about 'how does he do that without even trying' and smirked. 

She looked back at him before crossing the threshold outside and Kakashi thanked whatever God there could be that this heavenly lookalike was brought to him tonight. Rin's anniversary usually brought out the worst feelings in him. But this time he would drown his sorrows in a different kind of drug. 

As the outside air nipped at the uncovered part of his face he reached instinctively for the woman in front of him. Some small part of him felt it strange to be holding in his very hands a woman with the exact likeness of his lost love from over a decade ago. This woman was older, as he had lost Rin when they were still kids. The face was so eerily picturesque, with the only glaring difference being the lack of purple face paint that Rin always used to wear. But everything else was the same. Her nose just as delicate as his Rin's with straight and complementing lines. Eyes just as beautifully round and innocent, yet with that same glint of mischief hiding just beneath the surface. Her hair the same color, but a little longer. His Rin's hair had been just above her shoulders, while this one had thick locks of it tendriling down past her breast. If he had ever imagined Rin with longer hair, this woman in his grasp now would be the exact image. And of course, it felt now he was living a personal fantasy of his when he was younger. He had always longed to hold Rin just like this. But that thought was quickly squashed as soon as he felt her fingers on his neck. This wasn't her, but she was real and alive. His grip on her waist tightened in anticipation. 

"Can I?" She questioned in a small voice while her fingers hooked into his mask. For fear of losing control, Kakashi reached his own hand up to lower the mask before crashing his lips to hers. The kiss was electrifying. He felt a light buzz between them as the woman's hands roamed from his neck, to his shoulders, then settled on the back of his head. Chills shot up his spine as her nails scraped lightly along his scalp. Kakashi's fingers moved from her waist to the lower part of her back, ghosting lightly along the highest part of her ass. Teasing. She writhed beneath him, obviously wanting more, and rubbing herself on him in just the right places. What had he done to deserve such excellence? Kakashi dipped his head down into her neck in thanks to a higher power. This woman was in for a treat; he would worship her tonight.

"Hey lady!" A shrill voice called out from the doorway, disrupting the couple's fluid chemistry. The woman jumped out of Kakashi's grip and rubbed her arm sheepishly. When they looked to the source of the yelling, Kakashi let out a sigh. His tab. 

"You didnt pay for your drinks, lady! Don't think I didn't notice. I've had enough pretty girls try to steal from me in the past, so don't think you're being clever!" He was waving around a wine bottle as if to accentuate his anger. Kakashi began fishing into his pockets for something to pay his own bill with, but the Rin lookalike touched his arm as she handed over a wad of cash to the barkeep. 

"I've got his too." She smiled up at Kakashi, warming his insides like a furnace. Kakashi pulled her back to him without even waiting for the bartender to retreat back inside. He bit her lip playfully before kissing a trail to her ear.

"Where were we?" He whispered and nipped at her earlobe. She shivered under his touch and he could feel her release a breathy moan into his neck.

"Kakashi! You finished yet? It's time to go." It seemed they would never finish what they started. The shinobi all jeered and hollered at them from the doorway when they saw the woman peek around his shoulder and Kakashi wished he could just disappear. As a matter of fact, he should just disappear. He was contemplating taking her with him when she put her hands on his chest and gently pushed herself off of him. 

"Thanks, _Kakashi_ ," she exaggerated his name in a teasing notion, "I've never kissed a shinobi before. I'm just going to go now...but I had fun while it lasted." She winked at him and quickly made a few hand signs before disappearing in a swirl of leaves. One of the guys snapped his fingers at Kakashi.

"She was a kunoichi? What a catch. You shouldn't have let her go." Kakashi only shrugged. They were right, he shouldn't have let her go. But the entire happening had been such a strange shock to him that it left him stunned. He hadn't even gotten her name. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned to follow the rest of the jounin down towards the Village gates. As they walked down the dark path, their talking died down. Everyone was tired now, and their legs only kept moving to serve in getting them home and to bed. After crossing through the gates, they muttered their goodnights and went in their own separate directions. Kakashi wasn't headed home, however. His feet took him to the cemetery. A place where he could finally mourn her properly.

He knelt at Rin's stone, placing a hand gently on the top edge of it. He had brought real flowers during the first years of her absence, but those quickly faded. He hated coming back and seeing the dried and crumpled remains littered across her plot. So he switched to fake flowers, the most beautiful ones he could find. Sometimes he would pick one up from a specialty shop on a mission, or in another town. He dropped his head and studied each one that he had stuck into the grass at the base of the stone. They glistened in the moonlight, shining only bright enough for him to see while he sat this close. The thought that no one else in the world seemed to know of her existence made his stomach drop. A familiar sting clung to his eyes. He let the tears fall from his exposed eye and could feel the fabric covering his other become wet. Why was it always this sad? He thought he could get over it by now. But he looked at the hand he had resting on the stone. His right hand. The one that pierced Rin's heart. That was why. We would never forgive himself for that. As tears dropped onto the grass, Kakashi whispered the words he would say to her if she were alive. Apologies, declarations, compliments. They all came spilling out in quiet anguish. It was a strangled type of letting loose. Instead of beating his hurt into a tree in training, this was the way he chose to remember her. She would have liked it better this way. 

"I hope you're doing well wherever you are, Nohara Rin."


	2. Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aww, the mystery lady left so soon! Right when things were getting good.

Kakashi sat idly reading, the bustle of Saturday morning shoppers from beneath his window surrounding and filling the apartment. It was his first day off in 3 weeks. And as if on cue, a knock at the door meant he wouldn't get a choice in how he spent it. He padded quietly to the door, closing his eyes as he slipped on his headband and pulled up his mask. "Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura's voice wafted from the panelling. He quickly turned the knob and grinned with a squinted eye at his pupil. She held a bundle of freshly clipped herbs from her garden. 

"I brought you some basil! Best in town." Her voice wavered as a breeze brushed through her hair. "W-would you like to join me for breakfast?" She asked quickly. He could sense an inkling of anxiety behind her cheerful facade and decided against his usual answer of 'not today'. She seemed like she needed a friend. So he closed the door to change into some light attire, slacks and a tunic, and they began a liesurely walk downtown. 

"So, Sakura," Kakashi lifted his arms in a stretch and left them clasped behind his head. "How are things in the Haruno world?"

Sakura sighed lightly and crossed her arms as if to close herself off a bit. "They're alright. I actually wanted to talk to you... about Sasuke." He winced at the name. Kakashi knew the missing nin had hurt her and Naruto, but he hadn't realized how heavy it must weigh in the kunoichi's mind daily. Girls like Sakura with an unrequited love for someone that paid no mind to them seemed to always find a certain sort of insanity on their miserable journey. It was why he didn't mind listening to Sakura dole out her frustrations. Who else would she be able to talk to about it? Naruto? And if she didn't let it out in some form, she would just bottle it up inside and become as lonely and pessimistic as he was. He couldn't have that happening. Kakashi opted for a comfortable silence until she was ready to talk.

But the moment never came as they approached a small breakfast stand. They ate together quietly, Sakura happily humming with satisfaction and Kakashi glancing at her every now and then. It was relaxing. A teacher and his student, enjoying a meal together without a single word being said. These were the moments where he appreciated his role in the village. 

As Kakashi was slipping his mask back up, his eye roamed across the street to the grocery stalls. Nothing in particular stood out, until he noticed a woman with long brown hair step out from behind one of them. It was Rin. Or rather, the woman that was her spitting image from the other night. It was as if time stopped while Kakashi stared at her in amazement, wondering how he could run into her again in such a short time period without even knowing her identity. She looked like an angelic ghost, floating about between the stalls. Her delicate hands were lifting up different fruits to inspect them closely before slipping a few here and there into her basket. Those same hands that touched and squeezed each item were the ones that were all over him that night and he swallowed as he conjured the feeling in his mind of her fingers through his hair-- 

A loud tapping on the table next to him grabbed his attention however, and he realized Sakura had been talking. 

"Kakashi-sensei! Are you listening?"

He tilted his head at her and stood a little too eagerly. "Sakura, I uh...need to go for now. I'll see you around later, ok?" He could hear her huff loudly as he walked away from the table and knew without even looking back that she was crossing her arms and staring daggers into his back. But he didn't care; couldn't care right now. He needed to talk to that woman. He tried to keep his eagerness at bay, and slowed his pace across the street to a casual walk, rather than the sprint that he wanted to do. For a second he pondered how he would get her attention. Should he tap her small shoulder? It was exposed in the loose tank top she wore, beckoning him to feel her skin under his palms. A tingling erupted in his gut as he stepped over the sidewalk, already fully across the street to her side. Maybe he should just get closer to her and ask how she was doing? The woman nearly took his breath away when she suddenly turned around and faced him. 

"I was wondering if you'd come over here to say hi," she grinned at him and tilted her head to the side in a welcoming gesture. He smiled broadly underneath his mask. Somehow she elicited the lightest of emotions inside of him; just like Rin had. 

"Hello. I didn't get your name last night."

"I know! It's Akina." Kakashi's heart dropped into his stomach and he internally smacked himself. Was he actually hoping that her name would be 'Rin'? Of all of the confounded notions he could have come up with, the least likely was that. But he still couldn't shake the unexplainable feeling he got every time he looked at her. Like his soul already knew her, like she was a familiar friend from long ago. Now, he could only assume his gut was wrong for once. It was just because she looked so much like Rin that he felt this way. What then could he do? Akina was already busy leading him around the stalls to finish her grocery shopping like they'd known each other for years. She turned back to look at him and shyly blushed and looked away again. He had to admit it was endearing, despite his inner turmoil. 

As the sun shined through the tarps overhead to warm him, he felt calm in realizing that he should let the memory of Rin sit aside for a time. Akina seemed a perfect woman in her own right, and it was unfair of him to place the phantom of another woman next to her in comparison. So he reached out and grabbed her free hand, obviously surprising her. Akina looked quickly down at his fingers lacing through hers and she smiled at him through her lashes. It was almost surreal, how comfortable he felt with her already. And in contrast to the night they had met, this time wasn't with a burning lust. Instead, holding her hand was stable; like coming home after a long day.

"Hand me two of those pears," she beckoned with the basket extended toward him. Kakashi reached down, felt around for the ripe ones and tossed them in. It was with the way she happily caught the fruits that he resolved that he wanted to see how far they could go together. It was the first time in years that he felt this way. Before she could move onto the next stall, Kakashi pulled on her hand to bring her close to him, and he leaned down to nuzzle his mouth by her ear.

"Let's go for some tea after this. I know a good place down the street." He quipped in a whisper. The smell of her hair wafted around him and engulfed him in strawberries. _Rin._ He sighed. He couldn't get away from the similarities. He'd have to talk deeply with Akina to find something, _anything_ that was different about her. As much as he wanted to try something with Akina, he was growing ever fearful of the fact that he just might not be able to handle it. If all he could think about was Rin while he was with her, how was that fair to Akina? And what kind of idiot would torture himself like that? She skipped ahead and pulled on his hand, leading him to the check out counter in apparent eagerness to go get tea already. It was the same bubbly excitement as Rin would have when he had a good idea. The thought made him realize that _he_ , Hatake Kakashi, was the tortured idiot.

He found themselves after a short walk, sitting at a secluded table in the back corner of a small tea shop. Kakashi had one knee bent to the side with his arm draped over it casually. He was comfortable here, as this was his usual corner to sit by himself with some green tea and read his books. A small elderly man came by to replace their pot with a full, hot one and smiled knowingly. He wriggled an eyebrow in Kakashi's direction and walked away quickly to leave them in peace. Kakashi prayed Akina didn't see that.

"I saw that." She giggled. "Are you a regular here?"

Kakashi sighed and took a sip. "I come here often to read." Before he could catch himself, he let it slip that he reads. Oh, the fool. 

"Oh, what do you read?" 

Kakashi froze, all of the possible answers jumbling around through his head. He couldn't just come out and tell her that his hobby was Icha Icha. He cleared his throat.

"Just different novels or small pieces that I hear good things about."

"I read a book recently you should try. It's called 'Light of the Morning Sun'. I really liked it." Akina held her cup with both hands and took a drink and Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't press further. He'd cross that bridge another time. 

"So, are you from around here?" He thought he noticed something in her eyes for a second when he asked. Maybe it was nothing. But then the hesitation in her voice confirmed it.

"I've lived here for most of my life... But I actually don't remember my childhood." 

"Oh, that's normal. I barely remember my childhood either." Kakashi watched her shake her head in disapproval. 

"No, not like that. There's a point in my memories where I hit a block. Almost like a wall," she paused to look at Kakashi, and he wondered if she was worried about saying more. But she eventually continued, "I can't remember a single thing past that point." 

Akina gazed at him expectantly, but when Kakashi said nothing and sipped at his tea, she sighed. 

"Ok, I'll tell you more. But consider yourself special because I haven't told anyone about myself like this..." 

Kakashi held up a hand. "So don't tell me, then. I don't need to know." It was said out of curtesy, but Kakashi's curiosity was piqued and he hoped she would be more open. She was a mysterious flower bud that he wished would unfurl and bloom. Then he watched as Akina's lips curled into a smirk and she made a proposal. 

"How about a secret for a secret? I'll tell you this about me, and you tell me something about you that you haven't told anyone."

He feigned mulling it over for a bit as a show for her, tilting his head to the side and looking up as if thinking deeply. He finally looked back at her. 

"Deal. You first."

Akina took a breath. "I'm adopted."

Kakashi looked at her blankly. "I appreciate you sharing that, but you can't tell me that was your big secret." Akina laughed and smacked the table lightly. 

"I was wondering if you'd let me get away with that," she poured some more tea for Kakashi and herself.

"My adoptive parents found me among the ashes of a house fire in the forest. They had followed a trail of smoke there, and saw me unconscious and covered in soot. I was taken along with them to a medical center and nursed back to health. They didn't have children of their own, so they waited for anyone to claim me. When no one came forward for a month, they signed papers to be my parents and took me home." She paused to read Kakashi's face for a bit for any sign of judgement. He made sure to stay unbiased and willed his chaakra to give off a comforting aura. Satisfied with his response, Akina continued.

"When I came to, I didn't have a single recollection of who I was or where I came from. I couldn't even remember my own name." That part made Kakashi's hairs stand on end. So Akina wasn't her birth name...? He couldn't stay simply listening any longer. He had questions that needed answers.

"So how old were you when they found you?"

Akina looked down and tapped her fingers together in thought. "They estimated my age to be about 13 or 14. But no one could be certain."

Kakashi's brain flaired to life with possibilities and similarities of Akina and Rin pushing full force to the front of his thoughts. 

"Are you a kunoichi? You used a disappearing jutsu the other night." 

"Not officially, no. But the only part of my past that I woke up with was my chaakra. I could use it quite efficiently and jutsus and control of it came like second nature. I obviously had formal training in my past." That was it for Kakashi. There had to be some supernatural connection between his old friend and the woman that sat before him now. Oh he wished he could just tell her! 

"Haven't you ever tried finding out about your past?" He was getting emotional about it now. After all this time, she wasn't able to find out _anything_ more about herself? Was she content with her unknown life? 

Akina's hand closed to a fist as he noticed her eyebrow twitch with anger. "Do you not think I've tried finding out who I am?"

"I just don't understand how you can go this long without finding any more answers. I can help you even! There has to be some trail of clues you can find or follow." Kakashi waved a hand in the air in a show of passion. He had resources! He could piece together clues of missing persons from around that time, and connect the dots to lead to her! Of course his theory that she was somehow connected to Rin fueled his fire even more. But Akina had enough. 

She abruptly stood and crossed her arms at him. "I don't need someone I just met to practically tell me that I haven't been trying hard enough to find out about myself. Goodbye, Kakashi."

He was left there, alone in the corner. Kakashi watched her walk away and out the tea shop door in quite the hurry. He couldn't blame her. He rubbed a hand along his face and down his jaw in frustration. What was wrong with him? Allowing himself to get so emotional and insensitive towards Akina's feelings. He felt terrible for how he must have made her feel. But this was so out of character for him, he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that they still had some kind of connection. She had somehow brought that passion out of him, and while she had uncovered more and more about her mysterious past, Kakashi felt like he was on fire. Like he had stumbled upon something he lost long ago. As a matter of fact, he couldn't just let it go anymore. 

Leaving money on the table, Kakashi left the shop as quickly as Akina had, and made his way towards the Hokage's office. If she didn't want to find out the truth about herself, he would.


	3. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning - This chapter contains notions of suicide, and is overall kind of a sad one. I'm sorry.

The sharp clang of steel on steel rang through the forest and disturbed the peaceful air. Akina stood panting in a small clearing. Surrounding her were 3 shadow clones of her own likeness, each primed and ready with weapons raised to attack her from all angles. It was a training session of her own personal creation. One that never failed to push her to grow and improve each time. But normally, she would be here practicing with a cool and calm resolve. With a responsible drive to both practice exploiting her own weaknesses, and also knowing what her limits were. Today, she didn't care about either of those. It was the first time in over a decade that she felt this unrelenting anger inside. And she blamed it on Kakashi.

Her spontaneous weekend tea date turned sour when he had started pressing her for details about her past. It wasn't just the questions. Because she had of course asked herself the same ones when she was younger. No, it wasn't the simple questions. She slowly realized that she was angry, but not for someone else wondering the obvious. She released a shaky breath as tears flooded her vision. The embarassing source of her anger was at herself. Kakashi asked the questions she wished she could find the answers to. She could only blame herself. Why hadn't she? She's had years upon years of doing practically nothing and coming no closer to who she really was than when she was first found in the forest. And as the pain from her training coursed and pulsed through her arms, she dropped to her knees with a strangled sob. Her world felt like it was crashing down around her. The fragile wall she had built after all these years to keep the peace in her life had cracked and crumbled with each burning question Kakashi had asked her. And now, after she had run away and hidden herself in her secluded forest, she couldn't hold back from remembering her strife and weeping.

_When Akina had first awoken in the hospital bed, she was confused, alone, and afraid. It was the middle of the night, making it nearly impossible to get her bearings straight. Her heart ached like she was on the verge of death and her limbs felt like they had just been sewn back on after rotting off of her body. It wasn't normal to feel like this...But then again, how could she know what normal was? For as she cotinued going through each feeling that her brain knew to check for, a slow creeping realization dawned on her. She didn't know where she was. Her eyes began moving faster, frantically searching the room for any sign of a location. it was dark but she could tell most everything around her was a sterile white. The walls, the curtains, the floors, the sheets, her gown. Her gown? Is this what she normally wore on a daily basis? She lifted her arms to continue inspecting herself and- she didn't know who she was. Her name, what was her name? She sat existentially shrinking into the smallest speck of dust as her thoughts fizzled out and focused on only one thing; her name. It felt like time stood still while she tried with everything in her power to just remember. But she couldn't. She felt her pulse quicken to a rate that scared her more than her loss of memories and she grasped at things around her to try to ground herself. She was panicking and nothing she did could help her calm down. Shutting her eyes was the only thing that seemed to do anything for the situation. Perhaps when she opened them she would wake up and be exactly where she should be._

_That didn't work. Tears welled in her eyes and dropped freshly down her cheeks to stain her gown. Then a faint glow brightened the room. Where was it coming from? She looked at her hands and they were alight with soft, blue flames that crackled with each beat of her heart. Whatever this was, it felt...right. Inside of herself, she could feel that while everything else about her situation was so wrong, this piece of her made sense. So she kept the flames on her hands burning until she fell asleep again._

_The morning sun woke her up softly this time. Her hands felt healthier, more attached to herself as she brought one up to move the hair from her face. Still no inkling of a name in her thoughts in the slightest. She felt like that should make her cry, but nothing came. Instead she felt numb. When the door creaked open and three people walked in that she didn't recognize, it didn't surprise her. She knew she was cursed in this way. It would all be fine by the end of the day. She could tell by the soft smiles on their faces that they would unshackle her from the bed and let her go. Then she could find somewhere quiet to run away to; where she could end things on her own terms. The longer she was awake and they didn't address her at all, the more she knew that this must be some wicked pergetory she was stuck in. She must have died and now this is a strange new world. The only way to know for sure was to try dying again, right? Maybe then things would finally make some sense._

_"Miss? I'm glad you're awake. This is the couple that found you. How are you feeling?"_

_Akina stared up at the nurse in bewilderment. How could the nurse be so ignorant to what she had been through? Where was she last night when Akina had woken to the worst feeling in the world? She said nothing and turned to stare out the now open window. She sensed the nurse leave the room, but the other two, an elderly couple, remained. The woman spoke softly after shuffling over to the armchair in the corner._

_"I know you have no reason to accept us. And I know you must have gone through some kind of hell for us to find you like we did," she paused when Akina looked over at her. "If you want to leave when they clear your health, you can. But I ask before you decide to hear your story. Please listen to how we happened upon you, that you might understand what sort of miracle it was." Her tone of voice was moving, and Akina desperately wanted to feel something other than the numbing despair in her gut. So she listened. They told of how they found her, dirty and buried underneath the rubble of a fire that must have burned for days. They cried together when Akina shared her fears and her memory loss. The woman held her while the man stroked their backs in comfort._

_When the nurse returned to take some readings and study her health, the woman held her hand the entire time. Just the thought of it made Akina's eyes sting. She wasn't as alone as she thought she was._

Thunder cracking up above her brought Akina back to the present and the rain that followed shortly after masked her own tears. The woman had turned into her nurturing mother, and the man her loving father. But they were already towards the end of their days when they took her home with them. How she longed to be able to return home to them one last time now, in this turmoil. As water poured down around her, she wondered why she had let her anger get the best of her. Kakashi had been the first person since her parents to know of her past. And rather than brushing it aside and telling her to move on, like she had expected, he wanted to know more. Not only that, but he encouraged her to try for that as well. He had offered to help her with it even. And she foolishly turned him away with the same stubborn attitidue that she thought she had outgrown. She closed her eyes and turned her face towards the sky. The storm had let up mostly but still covered her in a cooling mist, washing away both her tears and her frustrations. Perhaps it was time to get some answers. Where would she start? She could go to the place where she was found, but she was sure that she wouldn't find anything of value. It had already been gone through many times before. 

Akina rose to her feet, going over to collect the small weapons that her shadow clones had dropped when disappearing. She resolved to walk back into town, hoping she would come up with an idea or two on the way.

...~^~...

Kakashi strolled through the large shelves of the Hokage's archive room. He'd already passed the rows that held years of his own birth, and he knew Akina _had_ to be at least the same age as Rin would be. A few more rows and he would arrive in the time period of when he watched her take her final breath. He tried to swallow the lump down that was forming in his throat to no avail. This was not how he wanted to be spending his saturday. And the closer his feet took him to the row in question, the more apprehensive he got. Feelings and regrets from long ago began bubbling up in his stomach and he felt he might have to take a step outside for a bit just to relieve some of the stress of it all. Why was he doing this again? Oh yes, because the ghost of Rin just couldn't seem to leave him alone. And he couldn't blame anyone but himself for it. He knew he was cursed to live the rest of his days regretting every second of that day. He tried to blink away the phantom memory of his hand in Rin's chest and - 

He was at the row that might give more clues. Kakashi shook his head and slapped his cheek a few times. _Keep it together, Kakashi._ When he had thought of coming to the archives for Akina, he could admit that he didn't quite think it through. And of course, she had no way of knowing what kind of connection she had to his friend. He could safely assume that Kakashi would be searching for years like she did. But the ace in the hole for him was Rin. Akina was trying to search for her own identity without a single piece of knowledge. No wonder she never found anything. Perhaps he had been a bit harsh in asking so many questions. Kakashi wished inside himself that he could find her and apologize. But maybe this way he could apologize by presenting her with some clues on her lost memories. His fingers twitched at the the handle of a drawer with the dates of Rin's death. The metal was a shiny brass, polished and untouched. He might be the first person to open it since it was first closed.

When it slid open on smooth tracks, the air from within wafted out. It smelled of old papers and ink. Kakashi took in a breath and enjoyed his last bit of sanity before reaching in to pull out the entire stack of papers housed inside. This was where he might lose himself. To say he was unprepared would be an understatement. The first few pages were cover letters. Old writs and seals of approvals and permissions were next, and then some thicker sheets to mark the beginning of an individual's file. His throat convulsed slightly as he gulped and flipped the page over. The next page was a birth certifacte for one Nohara Rin. Immediately, Kakashi's eyes welled with tears that he wasn't ready to let drop. But they did anyway. He quickly wiped his exposed eye with his sleeve and turned the page. An old photo lay next, a black and white copy of their childhood genin team. Rin had her arms around both Kakashi's and Obito's necks and her grin almost reached her ears. Kakashi's mask was on as it always was, but his eyes were squinted shut and head tilted towards Rin's. Obito's free hand was holding Rin's on his shoulder while his other was stretched behind them giving bunny ears to Kakashi. The feeling he felt in his heart he would argue was worse than when he was younger after Rin had died. This was an unbelievable anguish. Hurt, anger, guilt, sorrow, and love all filled at the same time and he couldn't help but slide down the wall to the floor as he touch the photo lightly with his forefinger. These were feelings he thought he had put behind him. He thought he had moved on, and was mourning his old friends in a healthy way, once a year. But this made it feel like he hadn't done close to what he should have for their memory. It was too much to bear. 

Kakashi stared at the photo for much longer than he knew he should have. When he felt he had mourned enough, he breathed deeply to quell his aching heart and turned the page. It was an excerpt of Rin's obituary, written by a relative. He didn't want to read that right now. He couldn't stand the pain any more. He was here for a purpose, and it was to find out the truth of Rins death. Because while he knew in his mind that she was dead; sacrificed by throwing herself onto his Chidori, his gut screamed at him to read between the lines. That these past few days were not merely a coincidence and meeting Akina didn't just happen randomly. He needed to push forward for that fact that he knew in his heart to be true.

The page after was unlike anything he had ever seen before. In fact, when he tried to turn it, he realized it was stuck to a few following pages, glued together into a package of sorts with a wax seal at the opening. It read in kanji along the edge, "Classified". He wondered if this was against the rules to open it. The Hokage did let him in specifically, so he would venture to guess that anything was fair game at this point. So he licked a finger and began to unseal the pages. A slight whisper of chaakra puffed out from the packet of papers, and he knew that whatever power the original seal had at the time was no longer there. The contents were a strange collection of various studies, articles, and news clippings. For a second, Kakashi glanced around him, searching quickly for a semblance of someone watching him. He felt like this was a secret not meant for him to find, and that he would somehow be stopped from continuing in any moment. 

But no one came; he had been left alone in the archives. Upon closer inspection, the mystery only grew more confounded. The research studies were of ancient jutsus that were found to be used in modern applications. Specifically, Reanimation Jutsus. Kakashi froze as his eye read the small print on every page. He felt like he was on the cusp of eating forbidden fruit, and yet couldn't stop himself from frantically skimming through the words. Mention of reanimation techniques that weren't widely known were also talked about in the manuscripts with diagrams of people giving their life force for another to live. And as if to answer the burning question Kakashi had in his head, the following articles were of a researcher who had secretly discovered a way to detect high chaakra usage. He had pinpointed it to a location in the forest not far from Konoha, and included clippings of the identities of people known to live in that area at the time of Rin's death. 

Kakashi wiped sweat from his brow and began feeling a nagging paranoia in his gut, like someone was drawing near. Placing the papers on the floor, he pushed himself up and grabbed two kunai from his pack. A light shuffling from across the long room alerted him instantly to an intruder and her swiftly lifted his headband to reveal his sharingan eye. Whoever was in here was in for a surprise. 

More scuffling. Then, a voice that knocked the wind out of Kakashi's lungs. "Kakashi?"


End file.
